Space Lasers

"Guess my election-interfering space lasers..."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Someone call a surgeon, my sides have actually split!

What a wanker. Trying to be some fucking edgelord.

Didn't he spend about half a billy on actual election interference? You know, spending a fuck tonne of cash trying to get friendly politicians into positions of power so they acquiesce to his insane needs?

"Acquiesce! oooh lar-dee-dar must be using AI."

No, dickhead. Back in the living world we used to fucking say that. We just called it someone swallowing a dictionary.

Sorry, I digress. I just imagined someone reading this accusing me of using AI, so I'm pre-emptively defending myself. Anyway, where was I?

That's right. Tech bro cuntery.

People say, don't they, when you slag off rich people, that you're "just jealous".

Well, no fucking shit, Sherlock. If I had their money I'd be ranting about how the Maldives isn't what it used to be, how the local Michelin-starred restaurant has changed its Wagyu supplier and how my new single malt gives me heartburn.

Can't focus today. ADHD flaring up.

Where was I? That's it. Knobhead tech bros.

It's not even that they're rich. It's that they're a bunch of fucking weirdos, and it pisses me off that so many people hang off their every word.

I swear, take their money away and the mask would slip quicker than an internet thirst trap with a sexy filter.

Without the billions, we'd recognise them for what they are. That fucking weirdo round the corner.

We all have one. You know the sort. Stares at your wife a bit too long, or any passing woman for that matter. Stares at the kids a bit too long as well. You tell your kids to stay away from that one. Creepy cunt.

Take away their money and they'd 100% be that stary bloke who smells like a crusty wank sock.

And that's who you're hero-worshipping?

Spend half a billy trying to buy himself a friendly government, then piss about on the internet pretending it was all a joke.

Go home, cry himself to sleep but not before making an extra deposit into his trusty sock because at least one woman liked his post.

Fucking knobhead.